Finally showed master this blog last night. Yes, there are only 2 measly posts, but it felt like absolutely ages having to keep it from him. I wanted his approval so badly, and wanted him to set me tasks to complete on here. His reaction was far from what I expected. He ended up questioning my motives for wanting a master/slave relationship, after reading my first post declaring that I’ve finally found the ‘fix’ to my long-time dark periods and unhappiness.
I was so upset to hear him ask whether any ‘master’ would be enough for me, as long as I had a master to serve. He also asked me whether I felt our love and our relationship could be sustainable without the master/slave aspect, which I thought was so incredibly silly because I just want him, and he was the one who really introduced me to this D/s stuff. It really made me think though; I knew in my head and in my heart that of course we could be happy, happier than I’ll ever be with anyone, without any D/s stuff. If it came down to it, if something happened which would mean we could no longer have sex, nothing would change and I would stay by his side forever. But I found it really hard to put into words why and how exactly I want so so so badly to be master’s slave, and why I want to serve and obey him, forever.
I finally managed to put how I feel into exactly one sentent that sums up how and why he is my master. “I want you to own me because I want to be yours forever, not because i want to be owned.”
If you take all the sex and kink away, and strip it down to my mentality of me wanting to be owned by my master, it’s fundamentally because I want to show master that he is my world, my everything, I worship him, and I am his forever to do with as he wishes. I want him to know that I would never leave him, could never leave him, even if I tried. I want to express that to be with him and to be his is inherently in my nature. I can’t think of a better way to show my commitment to him, not even through marriage. If master trains me to be the best slave I can be for him, I want him to eventually brand me, not with a tattoo or a piercing but with a brand, to mark me as his. What’s a silly piece of paper declaring your legal status as together, compared to a permanent mark on your body sealing his ownership of me forever?
–x
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