I haven’t had the time to really sit down and focus on writing, so I’m cribbing a post from a message board on what submission means to me.
I know I’ve always had a submissive nature, although most would never guess at it. If someone was needed to take charge of a situation, I would be that person although I really disliked being in that position and it takes a lot out of me emotionally. I have always taken care of my husband – done all those little things to show him how I love him like make his favorite foods and serve him his meals. There has always been an element of resentment involved in those tasks though, since I felt he was taking me for granted and I was not being taken care of in kind.
Since falling head-first into BDSM with my husband a month or so ago, I would say my submission is like that exercise where you cross your arms on your chest and fall backwards, trusting that he will be there to catch me and since I’ve been able to do that with my mind, body and soul our entire marriage is so different now. A request or even a gentle command to get him a drink or make a small meal would have garnered him a “Are you fucking kidding me?” look – now I practically skip off to do whatever he has asked of me and will smile shyly as I bring it to him. He is so much more aware of my needs – when I am feeling overwhelmed by my responsibilities he can center me in a way I never dreamed possible. I can actually tell him what’s going on inside my head rather than fester with resentment that he can’t see how much I need some TLC.
I am better at handling our finances and taking care of household management – there is no reason for me to turn over these tasks to him because it’s more of a dominant’s job to be in charge of money. He is better at organizing and household chores than I am – again me performing those traditional submissive acts would not benefit our marriage/relationship in the least. There are many situations where I take the dominant role and it would be detrimental to all for him to take over those tasks. We respect each other, but there is no way he’s going to punish me for snapping at him because I’m in a bad mood. Will he talk to me about it afterwards and try to figure out why I’m in a bad mood and what he can do to help me? – a definite “Yes”. I am most definitely his girl, and on many occasions will defer to him or seek reassurance that I am pleasing him but we have no interest in maintaining that 24/7 – it’s much more satisfying to us when it happens organically.
While I’ve always tried to make him happy and serve him, my submission involves taking down those last couple of walls and presenting him with my naked self – and he treasures me for it and views it as the incredible gift that it is.
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