The Current Players (as of 9-21-09)

It’s been awhile. I have gathered some and cut loose others. I thought it pertinent to update where things stand at this point. I still want for one man, one Dom to control me, protect me from the world, but at this point I am awash in either feast or famine.

“Parisil” (mid 40’s) is an Indian oil man with the will and financial capacity to travel. I know this because he came here to meet me. I agree that my eyes are my best feature and he thrills at them. He took me forcibly from behind, pulling my head around by my hair in order to see them. He can be sweet, gentle but he also comes from a different culture where women are expected to be subservient. He wants to marry me, take me back to India. He lavished me with gifts while he was here, trying to convince me to return with him. If it were just me I would consider it.

“Mathew” (early 40’s) is wonderful and splendid in bed. He is gentle and sweet, willing to take what I can give him. He lives 400 miles away but he is my emotional rock. We speak daily. There is some guilt associated with my relationship with Mathew. He is a good man. I don’t want to hurt him, but I fear that will be the end to this thing we have. He knows only part of my true nature.

“Andrew” (late 30’s) and I are very good together. If he could spend more time with me I think I would have found my Dom. He takes me to subspace whenever we are together and narcissist that he is, he still cares about how I feel. He wants to find my limits, push me over them. We both love the pain and I trust him with my life.

“Richard” (42) and I tend to spend the most time together. He accidentally took me to subspace the last time we were together. He got adventurous and fisted me until I slipped away. The poor man had no idea what to do. He thought I had passed out on the bed and almost called an ambulance. Wouldn’t that have been embarrassing? He understands it now and loves the fact that he did it to me.

I have a few side items here and there, one night stands when my regular men can’t be with me. Sometimes I just need a hard cock. It disappoints me when my regulars can’t, but I know the alternative of going without would be worse. I make bad choices when I am not satiated and dangerous things happen. I am cranky and mean to my family. I’m not the best woman, wife, mother I can be. It bothers me that this is so, but it is what it is.

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