The Furies and the Furious

Some people are stuck on stupid, I am stuck on integrity. Now I have struggled to express this without becoming too personal. Without turning to some and saying, “this, this is exactly why integrity is important”. I have tried to explain it using the words of dominant men of all stripes, wikipedia and my heart. But today, ahhhh, today.

I am in an uncompromising mood,,,enough is enough.

This post was supposed to be light and trite. About something sexual and insipid after a heavy week of introspection and a substantial increase in my workload. I am tired, the insomnia is relentless and I am in pain. I look across the tundra and see garishly painted clowns  leading the mentally weak off cliffs to their demise and I try to look the other way. Then more and more around me I see bright lights withdraw to the cocoons of their shelters. In my Christian world we would call this retreating to their spiritual covering. I don’t know what it is in this world but I see it. And I feel fury stirring, peering over my shoulder,,,

In my life, me and my friends we have an agreement. It reflects our moral foundation. God allows people to choose whether to sin or not. His truths are unchanging and unfailing, but choice lies with man. So, we watch each other, we answer questions when called upon, but we do not randomly intrude. I have pretty much taken that approach here in this world. Hands off, to the degree that I do not read blogs where the leader, generally the husband does not exhibit integrity, a moral compass and deep respect for his spouse. Additionally, I read and re-read to determine; if in any of his postings or the postings of his spouse, if the protective nature of man displayed. Finally, I look for redemption. Until you mess up and I mean really mess up, you have no understanding of the restorative power of love and faith. If you do not know and understand this, you cannot lead. You will not have the capacity for compassion and maturity required. Extending mercy will be a foreign concept. Until you are freed from a slavery of your own you cannot Master well.

This post was actually going to be about fear had it not been about something insipid and sexual. But today, I am breaking my rule and dipping into my friends business. Actually that is a euphemism, they aren’t my friends. I don’t read their blogs, but I know of them because from time to time I get links and I take a peek despite my better sense. This raging debate on honesty has been propagated by the call from some that dishonesty is a-ok. It is part of the submission they give their Master’s.

It has been noted in many places that a disproportionate number of submissives women have a history of abuse. I believe that to be the case based on my readings. I am not going to take the politically or kinkily correct route and say well whatever floats your boat – I say BULLSHIT. Having experienced abuse should not doom you to that path for life. You should be encouraged and helped out of that abyss.

When you’ve been in an abusive relationship a couple of things seem to happen. Firstly, you come to a fork in the road and must decide is it possible that things can be better or accept that all of the terrible things that have happened to you are your fault and continue down that road. Repeating those patterns again and again. You fall into the trap of trying to behave better and be better, i.e. indulging in more and more emotionally destructive self-debasing behavior in an effort to earn someones trust and love.

To earn real protection. Women in and out of this life make deals with the devil. It is akin to the bargaining behavior seen when people work through the stages of grief. They believe there is a place where their dominant partner will finally be satisfied and love them back. It doesn’t happen that way. What happens is you end up in ever more bizarre and demoralizing behavior until there is nothing left and you are released. Oh, I don’t understand YOUR dom? Yes, I do.

Of the two people I am speaking of in particular, one has been on this long roller coaster ride where she has repeatedly expressed how she makes no decisions and is at the mercy of her dom who will take another if and when he chooses. Recently he apparently assured her that he has no plans to do this and she is as happy as you can be while sleeping with and serving another woman’s husband. This, of course is a man with a track record of destructive relationships. That is how she showed up. Oh Yes, of course his word is his bond. Stay tuned for next weeks episode of as the fool turns.

The other, is young, vibrant, funny. I cannot read her blog regularly because of the unspoken rule about playing nice in the blog pool. She writes of the man she loves and serves, trying so hard to please. But as she writes I see cruelty behind what I am sure is a handsome facade. I am chilled, knowing this will end badly. Now, in an effort to please him she has even arrived at a place where she is giving up self-censure and accepts whatever he decides to provide as truth; whole or in part.

My heart hurts for one and not the other. I have no pity for the former because I find her behavior indefensible, she is a drum major for the immoral. I would have compassion but I deal from the same deck a person plays. The coming storm is earned. The latter has caused my heart to break and I am screaming at the gods because I fear. I fear for her heart and her buoyant personality. I have seen these type of men before and know them well. I want to snatch her behind me and whip his ass but I cannot.

So I write and write and write and raise examples and give pointers and discuss morals and core values while raging against those who would dance around her, encouraging her down this path and I am furious.

I know there are good men who call themselves Master, who say they own their women, who demand unfailing obedience. I know this. But there is a difference between a Master who comes into his relationship from a place of integrity and commitment and one who confuses dominance with destruction. There are dominants who are watch dogs; guarding all that is under their domain and there are dominants who are alley cats toying with the mice they call slaves.

A favorite line in a movie I love is spoken by a woman to her abused daughter, “I have been in Harlem all my life. I do know a rat when I see one”.

Over the last two years I have struggled at the junction of abuse, do I dig myself out or do I continue down the road of the damned? I have been surrounded by women, r/l and here on-line who continuously turned my face towards the light and for them I am eternally grateful. I truly know my value as a woman, submissive, professional, educated and proud.

Now healed wounds are often where the toughest skin is found and those who have lived through something are often those most committed to never going there again. They have earned their stripes.

My dear Mouse,,,reading her bolg I’ve discovered she and I have a lot in common. Apparently the self-promoters and the evil have been hunting around her doors. She too arrived at the crossroads and decided to take the high road. She wrote about decision making and self-protecting only to be criticized by the evil haunting this life. The insipid and tortured want everyone to live the same shallow, dangerous lives they choose. They couch it in terms that indict submissive woman. You are not trusting, you are not obedient, you are a disappointment.

Carrie Ann at a view from the floor once complained to her Master about these poisonous sows. His response, “Are you happy? Which she affirmed. His retort, “Fuck ‘em”. I say Amen my brother.

Yes, my mouth runs with venom tonight. It seeps off my teeth and I roam this space with barely contained rage. I would say there is a special place in hell for these simplistic ignoramuses. However, being acquainted with the reality of life, the great leveler will deal with them in due time.

But Mouse, tries to caution submissives to the danger all around us. She is better than me. Reopening those wounds time and again.

There are those who would hurt you, crush you, killing your spirit. Leaving you broken to be swept into the gutter. True death stalks this lifestyle.

For this kindness, for raising a candle for those possibly captive in the grip of evil she is repaid with ignorance and cruelty. I for one am tired of the vapid and vacant; living under the control of the deranged, deciding what makes the measure of a Dom. Damned tired.

Now Mouse has found a Dominant of worth. Omega has built barriers and fences around Mouse to protect her from a lot of the crazies in this world. He cushions her awhile helping her fight her way back from the furies of her past. Unfortunately, the furies of abuse don’t allow you the break away cleanly. She mentioned self-protecting from him which triggered the randomly foolish to darken her door.

I counter that Mouse is reflexively shielding herself from her past experiences of the furies. I too self-protect from my own furies. I long had a rule, the best way to get over one man was to get under another one. I have an encyclopedic knowledge of rats do to that rule. My self-protection now has a trigger and is honed to reflex. One false note from a man now and my walls fly up; closing my heart before he draws his next breath.

This is not her exact situation, she is married and I am single. But that does not negate the impact of the furies.

As it happens Omega co-administers her blog. Her fear of him acting in a self-serving way is rooted in being mistreated in the past. It is a long road back from hell, even when someone is holding your hand. Moreover, the intrusiveness of having a co-administrator is frightening. Tangible evidence that she has ceded control to another. The furies translate this as being exposed to victimization – yet again.

I contend that Omega is not co-opting her sanctuary but is instead  walking around it, testing the walls and the windows, chasing away the darkness and things that go bump in the night. She may not realize that many, many submissive writers in the blogosphere have this exact same arrangement because it is not discussed.

It is job of the Dominant to secure and protect – even as we kick and scream, fighting against what is good for us. They know danger is always creeping around to damage that which is precious, you. They know you are open because they have opened you and are therefore charged with keeping you safe. The furies seem to choking her with fear. It hurts, power exchange is an evolution and takes time.

Me? I normally show my posts to friends or family before I release them to ensure my embedded evil is appropriately restrained. There have been many posts that have not seen the light of day because of the wisdom of friends. Too bad I am typing this at 3am I guess.

So, I offer a word of hope to the damaged, a word of recognition for the Dominants of integrity and a word of support to those who feel alone and exposed,,,

In the past, when the Israelites were enslaved in Egypt. Their Masters were cruel and conditions harsh. The Lord sent Moses and ultimately he secured their freedom. We all have our Egypts. The dark places we have fled from, filled with cruel, undeserving masters. This verse is for my sister Mouse and everyone else who has survived a cruel master. As the Israelites fled, their furies chased them, Egyptians threatening to drag them back to captivity,

“But Moses said to the people, “Do not fear! Stand by and see the salvation of the Lord which he will accomplish for you today; for the Egyptians whom you have seen today, you will never see them again forever.” Ex 14:13 NAS

Do Not ear, you will never see them again. Never see them again. Never. Forever. The furies don’t win, you do. Never, ever, ever. The end.

Hang in there, you’ve already won.

And finally the sniping has reached a fevered pitch. Again. A dear friend of mine was attacked by the emperor who has no clothes. His minion, imps, acolytes and fools now run to his aid. But I say again, the emperor has no clothes. And no legs to stand on either.

Unlike many of you I am not fearful. I am an entrepreneur who shares her choices with family and friends, I fear no man. The pied piper on the other hand has reason to fear, his hands are not clean. Call the FBI? HA!!! Please do, and be exposed to all. Forced to admit your culpability. I did not compose the email that shook your composure but you know — the scale of justice weighs heavy against you.

Would you now deign to threaten me? Think again. The Doms who surround us consider you little more than a simpering woman, refusing to entertain your silliness. One bark and you scurry back to your cave. Licking wounds from the evil monogamists. I have no Dom. I happily settle my own scores. You claim to expose frauds and liars,,,LOLOL,,,yet your hands are so very dirty. Attacking the credible with the incredible to entertain the gullible, how sad. The Doms may choose not deal with you but from a Bitch to a Bitch. Stop.

This song is for all the girls reclaiming themselves and for those who did not know they could. CD

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