I would go so far as to venture a guess that a great many of the submissives who may find this blog have rarely if ever actually experienced a well planned, effective, sensitive and rejuvinating aftercare. I will all but guarantee that even fewer Dominants have received any manner of Aftercare at the end of a vigorous, physically or emotionally exhausting scene.
Let us begin by defining exactly what Aftercare is. Knowing that is important to what it takes to make a scene and where aftercare fits into the scene. Every scene should be comprised of four basic and essential parts. These parts are Negotiation, Pre-care, Play, and Aftercare.
In Negotiation, both parties discuss what is and what is not desired, accepted, expected or allowed from either party during the course of the rest of the scene. Limits are disclosed by both parties, preferences are discussed, and a safeword protocol is agreed upon. Sometimes the toybag will be examined, and unacceptable toys will be put asside.
In Pre-care all of the physical, environmental, and psychological preparations are made for the scene. The room is set up to suit the type of play that has been negotiated. The temperature is set to enhance the scene and not be a distraction. The music, if used, is put on and allowed to play. Restraints are applied, and the submissive (or submissives) are placed into their position for the play portion of the scene. If specific roles are to be assumed by the participants, that is begun now so that they are sufficiently ingrained before heavier play begins.
Throughout Play, the negotiated activities take place.
During Aftercare, the all of the participants of the scene are given an opportunity to cool-down and reflect on the scene as it progressed and, indeed, as it continues to progress.
Aftercare is that part of the scene where a conscientious Dominant drives away the demons that were summoned through the use of painful impliments, harsh tones, humiliation, accusations, overwhelming repeated sexual stimulation, isolation, fear, and simulated abandonment. Aftercare is a time of reasurance, of physical, emotional, and spiritual sustenance, and of healing. It is a combination of Mom’s Cookies™ and milk, randy debaucherie, and tender ministrations to a well worked and exhausted submissive and to his Dominant.
But what, exactly constitutes a good Aftercare?
Good Aftercare is a scene specific recovery plan that you develop for your submissive based on his physical and emotional needs after the stimulation portion of play.
Begin by removing the submissive from his bounds and guiding him or her to a warm, comfortable place, dimly lit if possible. A couch, bench or bed is best, but a pallet on the floor or extra large pet bed will do for the more agile Dominant and submissive. What you want is a place where the submissive can lay comfortably, and where you can maintain close contact with him. If physical contact is not possible, then close verbal contact mixed with touch is good.
Cover the submissive with a blanket or coverlet to keep the physical drop or “shock” from being too intense and triggering an adverse reaction. Another means to that end is to provide your submissive with carbohydrate sources such as juice, pastry, cookies, and other easy to consume items. This will counteract the body’s consumption of available glucose during the course of the scene and keep the submissive from going into a hypoglycemic state.
As he lays there, warm and cared for, softly speak to him and offer him praise for the way he endured your sadism. Stroke his back, his shoulder, his arm as you speak. Hold his hand in yours, both as a reward and as a means for you to monitor his body temperature, any shivering, swelling, and skin color. Watch his breathing, his eyes, and listen to the way he speaks if he does speak.
Now is not necessarily the time for analizing the scene, picking apart your technique, and reaping praise for your boundless skills. That time will come later, when he is more cognant and responsive. Remember, endorphins are a very power chemical which can induce very strong emotional and intellectual responses, not all of them positive. He may have difficulty focusing, putting his thoughts into words, even making simple movements. Just remain with him until his mind clears a bit, do regular wellness checks, and speak gently to slowly bring him back from his subspace without robbing him of it.
Eventually his body temperature and mental state will begin to be more predictable and manageable. When this happens, you have an opportunity to perform a detailed inspection of his body. It is more than an opportunity, it is an obligation to check and re-check him for cuts, skin abrasions, bruises and other visible signs of trauma which can lead to more serious problems if left untreated.
Make sure that each wound is addressed appropriately: clean them, treat them for infection prevention, and cover them with a dry, sterile dressing or bandage. For you Forced Fem or age-play practitioners, use Barbie, Dora the Explorer, My Pretty Pony or other juvenile bandaids for a bit of playful fun if you and your submissive do not see it as being unnecessarily cruel or inappropriate at such a moment.
By giving thoughtful and sensitive care during a session of Aftercare, you can enhance and reinforce your relationship with your submissive, and can also deepen your ties to those free-range submissives with whom you play at events or parties.
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