I have known for a while that there is a strong “little girl” side to me- a part of me that needs a Daddy to watch over and protect me. Often times, when I get comfortable around Sir, I will slip into a younger, more free self where my voice gets a little bit higher, my eyes a little brighter, my smile a little bigger and my walk a little bouncier.
I can honestly say this was not something I chose, in fact it was something I fought against for a long time. In every relationship I had that was a least at little D/s, however, the traits of this little girl would sneak though.
I realize that this part of me, and that the Daddy part of Sir, are by no means the most mainstreams aspects of our relationship (though sometimes I wonder if we could be a bit more open about them in Japan), but the time we spend together as Daddy and Daddy’s little girl are really special to me.
Every time I wear a dress or skirt, eat candy (lollipops!), or wear that one pair of mary janes i have, I feel undeniably little-girl like. When Sir chooses my clothes or when he helps me shop for clothes, I can see His Dominance in action, yes, but I also feel like a girl whose Daddy is choosing what she should wear for her.
At the heart of it all, I feel small, young and malleable, and I love feeling that way. I adore feeling tiny, all wrapped up tight in Sir’s arms (and later in the clothes he chooses), and knowing that for that moment nothing can hurt me. In the same way, I love how my giggles and games bring smiles to His face, and how His worries always seem to vanish when He protects me in His arms.
Part of the reason why I love being His little girl is because I am helpless to what he wants- He is my Daddy, so I must do what He says. Not only does he care and provide for me, but he is bigger and stronger than me too. When He wants to fuck me, I don’t have a choice.
I like the idea of being Daddy’s little whore. Wearing frilly skirts, mary jane shoes, and skipping around with a smile on my face during the day like an innocent Daddy’s girl, but come night fall sucking His cock and begging Him to fuck me and use me. I love being forced to be dirty and sluty- the degradation of my innocent side into a complete and utter cock hungry whore whose desire can only be satiated by her Daddy’s cum is so.. hot to me.
I know that in reality I am not an innocent child, however for whatever reason, this does not matter. When it comes down to it, I know that Sir/Daddy will always do what is best for me. If He wants His little girl to drink His cum and take a long hard fuck or beating, then I know that I’ll love it.
Time for a flashback that I’m sure many readers will love.
Since the last 24 hours have been a “slow day” here, it’s time to tackle one of the items from my “Future Topics” page. Today’s item: “How she had me humiliate myself to others one day to get out of chastity”. This is a true story.
Last month we traveled out of town to attend a kinky weekend event. There were workshops during the day about all sorts of things like bondage, CBT, medical play, role-play, kinky toys, etc. There were vendors with all sorts of fun sex and BDSM related wares and clothing. And after dinner the dungeons were open for play. People were dressed in all manners of fetishwear. It was a really fun weekend.
When we arrived I had been locked in the CB-3000 for several days. This was pretty early on in the “chastity era” of our relationship — just a few weeks before I started this blog. My wife/mistress/keyholder had an evil, wonderful, nasty plan for me for the first evening.
She said I could get unlocked and have an orgasm if I could find someone to unlock me. But there were a few further requirements.
First she helped me get crossdressed. I had a plaid dress with a big pink belt/bow, white hose, and shiny Mary Jane shoes. She fixed my hair and makeup. I really did look quite good. Slutty, but fun.
Then she had me write a note that said: “My Mistress will allow me an orgasm if you will unlock me. I can give you a BJ. Will you please help?” She pinned this to my dress along with the key to my chastity lock. She was clear that I was not to touch the key for any reason.
Then she got ready. Soon she walked me from our hotel room, through the public hallways, to the private party area. There she allowed me to interact with people and to plead my case. At first I was really embarrassed and hesitant to approach anyone. The first few men read my note and actually laughed about it. They all declined.
We moved to another area, and I got a little more comfortable talking to people. However, man after man still turned me down, most of them laughing at my predicament. Some lifted the front of my dress to see my chastity device and lock for themselves. The evening went on and it seemed that I was not going to get unlocked. My wife was clear that she was ok with that outcome.
In the quiet dungeon we met a friend from our town who was also attending. She introduced us to her fiance, who was also dressed up pretty. Although we had not met before, it was clear that he was her submissive, so I asked her permission to offer my note to him. She agreed, he read it, and I gave them some time to discuss it. I sat next to my wife to wait for their decision. Soon our friend motioned me over and told me they would be glad to help.
For some reason this wasn’t quite the joyous moment I expected. I had been so focused on finding someone to unlock me that I had forgotten my part of the bargain. Now I had to suck this man’s cock! And not just that, but in front of my wife, in front of his Mistress, and in front of the other people in the dungeon.
Keeping the end of my penile captivity and my pending orgasm in mind, I knelt in front of this man I had just met. He lifted his skirt and revealed his cock to me. His Mistress handed me (!) a condom, which I carefully applied to his erection. I looked back at my wife, and she gave me a look that said “Well, what are you waiting for?”
I leaned forward and took his cock in my mouth. Although it wasn’t the first time my wife had put me in a position to suck a man’s cock, it had been years and it felt all new again. I worked him with my lips and mouth and tongue, and listened to his responses to help me gauge what he liked. Soon I became aware of his Mistress complementing my wife about what a good cocksucker I was, and how they both really seem to be enjoying it. But mostly I wasn’t aware of anyone or anything around me, as I was focused on pleasing his penis until it came so that I would get to cum.
Fortunately he didn’t last long, and his orgasm was clear to everyone. Once he finished I laid my head on his thigh, looked at his cum in the end of the condom, and thought happily to myself “I did it!” Both women commented that I seemed to be quite a slut, and that it looked like I really enjoyed sucking cock. This made me blush and, still on my knees, I acknowledged them both with a “Yes, Ma’am”.
I finally looked around, and it seemed to me that there were a few more people than before in the dungeon. My wife picked up on this and told me that “everyone” was watching me be a little cock whore. I didn’t care, it didn’t feel wrong to me, although I still felt somewhat embarrassed. I also felt somewhat fulfilled — that I had accomplished something and that I had pleased my wife. In hindsight I realize that she must have really enjoyed the entire evening of humiliation that she set up for me and made me endure.
And yes, an hour or so later back in our hotel room, she gave me a most wonderful orgasm.
I recently watched some YouTube videos of guys playing Nut Ball, which reignited a strange fascination I have with ballbusting. Now let me clarify, I’m not interested in seeing or participating in a scene where anyone takes such a severe blow that they fracture a testicle or risk losing the ability to procreate. Having made that clarification, I do find something intriguing about the fact that regardless of how powerful and formidable a man might be, all men have the same “Achilles’ heel”. An area of complete vulnerability.
I also find something completely fascinating about guys that can take pain. I’ve often heard it said that there’s a “thin line between pleasure and pain”, and I believe it. As part of masturbation in my early adult life, I experimented with tying up my genitalia and weighting my balls. I must confess that I found it deliciously stimulating, even though it did cause some pain.
Now I’m really interested in finding some like-minded guys with whom I can take the experimentation to a new level. To that end I’ve created a group on Facebook called Male-to-Male Ballbusting. I wanted to create a unique image for the group, so the above photo was the result. It is actually a “mash-up” of 4 different photos that I stitched together using Adobe Photoshop Elements. I started with a model on a chair, then added a different facial expression, then put the target on his underwear, and finally, added the guy ready to kick the guy’s “man berries”. It was fun to make….I love a creative project!
Many people hardly anyone nobody asks VISIONS how it goes about its business of picking such marvelously erotic photos. While the Visions’s algorithm is largely a proprietary secret, we can give a few details. We use the explore feature on Flickr and then use our secret set of tags to run a search. With our giant server farm we can process the entire Flickr database of photos in just less than a nanosecond (although we intentionally delay the process to allow us to sip or lattes and eat our scones.
Here are a few random selections Visions culled during its last pass through through the four billion Flickr photos:
Chains – Pink on White – Elf Amazon – High Heels – Twisted — Red Boots — Lower Level – Bleeding Love – Stumped — Reflections — Topsy Turvy – Front or Back? — Sofa Siren — Red Tape — Furry — HTML — Best Buds – Redheads — Smoke — Engaged – Against a Wall
There are many reasons for the sense of unease that floods in once the euphoria of handing over another level of control or exploring something new has worn off. I am very sensitive to mood shifts, so a high automatically comes with a corresponding low. We can usually plan ahead for these and do what we can to mitigate it. Other times it’s due to the childhood mindfucks I received, and all I can do is let go and let my Master catch me. Last night, we were able to articulate the last source of unease.
When we started this journey six months ago, it was under my suggestion. My husband is the best Master I could ever ask for, but it is not a role that comes naturally to him and he’s fighting a tremendous amount of societal conditioning to be the Master I need and he wants to be. We move very slowly, especially since he crossed a line which was actually harder on him than it was on me. As a consequence, each new step into BDSM requires me topping from the bottom.
I am a sub who is rapidly realizing that she is more slave than anything. Directing my Master to do things to me or to speak to me in a specific way is unsettling. We can kind of ignore the fact that I’m pulling the strings by phrasing things in a certain way, but we both know what’s really happening. This does cause a bit of distress for me and makes me question if I’m pushing him into things; that he is dominating me because it’s what I want/need, not because it matches up with his own desires. Nothing could be further from the truth – each new level of play awakens more desires in my Master and once he finds where the edges are he comes into his own (does he ever come into his own *swoon*).
Many times we are thinking the same thing but I’m reluctant to say/ask for it being in sub-mode and he’s reluctant for fear of crossing a line. He was fucking my throat the other night and while I was happily being choked by his cock in my mouth, all I could think about was being his cum bucket (a sentiment the me of six months ago would have cringed at in disgust). I wanted to hear him call me that as he was praising me for the throat fucking. To hear my Master croon, “Are you so greedy for my cock, little girl? Do you want to be my cum bucket so badly?” as he caressed my cheek would have pushed me over the edge with delight. Even now I’m shivering just thinking about it. With some difficulty, I told him of this desire last night and he confessed that he wanted to do it in the moment as well but was afraid of crossing a line.
We are in the process of remapping my limits. In the beginning, I wanted no part in being objectified. Now, I practically beg him to call me his fuck toy, his pet. Begging was something I was sort of meh about – now I feel like its the hottest thing he can require of me. Orgasm denial? Never in a million years. Now I’m into my second day and am loving every minute of it. Being choked by his cock and cum? He cannot use me in the fashion enough – the joy and pride I feel at making him cum like this is incredible.
I’m thinking that it shouldn’t be too long before I can retreat back to the fuck toy I so long to be and he can just be my Master. I am a lucky girl, indeed.
The past weeks (with all the events with India-girl and my first suspension experience) really made me think about how I experience bdsm at the moment, and what kind of submissive I am. When I started with bdsm I identified as a submissive, which meant for me that I liked the whole spectrum of BDSM, and that I was always a bit subservient to my dominant. I never really aimed at TPE or 24/7, but I liked some kind of a ongoing powerrelation, however light at times.
After the rape, and after I decided (first subconsciously and later consciously) that for now I only want to submit by choice of that moment, I started to identify more as a bottom. I wanted pain and bondage and other play things, but no power exchange outside of a scene. Instead of something deeply felt inside, the dom/sub-mindset became more of a roleplay.
I never saw myself as a bratty sub. I tend to do what I am told, and be completely happy with that, and won’t directly disobey orders (except when they go over my boundaries of that time, of course). However, I do make witty comments, push my dominant a little by teasing or tickling. Also, I tend to whine when ‘mean stuff’ is being done to me. I like the mean stuff of course, else I would not participate, but feeling sorry for myself, pouting a bit and being teased with that is a kind of ‘roleplay’ that really works for me at the moment. I fall into this behaviour almost automatically, and feels it very comfortable, fitting and nice.
When talking with Dancer (a friend of mine, who is quite into bondage, and into dancing) on the evening of my first suspension, he mentioned the term SAM: Smart Ass Masochist. Although I like pain, and I am a masochist, this is not a term that I use to label myself, the term did not fit completely. Suddenly all things fell into place, and a new term was born: SAB, Smart Ass Bottom. And it fits like a glove. Or a tight, restraining rope-harness
One of the things I do very well is teasing. And I use the teasing in part to have him divulge his ideas. Whether anything comes of it is totally under my control. And most certainly some things are in the be careful what you wish for category. It has happened that things were moving faster than he had thought up the idea. Plus of course this is new material to be used in teasing sessions.
As you are aware our kink life has been put a little on the back burner. Sure we have been doing the odd thing in shopping and a hairdressers appointment will be coming up this month. So it is not like it is flat on it’s back. However it is not in the gear where we both feel we’d like it to be. So our main focus has been what is for us relatively low key play. Both to keep the power exchange dynamic going and to have some much needed fun in a stress full time.
Over the last few weeks/months the boy has told me in several ways where is fantasy is taking him. He uses his blog, pictures/weblinks and discussions as they arise. Some of these fantasies I can implement quite easily, even now. For instance buying a mini bikini after some teasing and some mild Oh please can I begging. Truth be told I loved the idea. Just had him buy a different bottom than his original idea, because I liked it better. Other things will have to wait a bit more due life interferences. Both the boy and I are looking forward to the time when I can start pushing his boundaries more again. Until then, we just have to have discussions about his be-careful-what-you-wish-for list. The list that is an effective tool in teasing and for me to take his some of his fantasies and make them into my wicked playground.
To make a point here though. Quite a few ideas in our minds are of the same making. We are well matched in that kink area so the line what is his imagination and mine is blurred. It is not as if his fantasies are what is guiding me. I sure use them. I mean seriously if I find them attractive and the suit me, why reinvent the wheel? I make them mine. I doubt that they ever work out the way he had imagined them. There is always my sauce added for additional spice and flavour .
You have no idea how intensly my desire to touch and be touched by you burned deep inside. But couple this with the image of your face so close, with your gentle eyes gazing into mine and I was undone. As I wriggled in my seat determined not to give in to the burning urge to plunge my fingers into the depths of the hot wetness you had left me with. I was unable to resist for long, but weak as I was in this resolve I managed to desist with my rubbing on my swollen hood. I could not bear to allow myself the relief I so wanted/needed without the act being witnessed by the subject of my desire.
I do not know for how long I succeeded in my wish. The intensity of the throbbing ache between my soft thighs simultaneously pleasure and torture. I bided my time by imagining the subjugation of my desired one. Browsing outlets for the tools of my pleasure when you become mine to do with as I wish. Selecting my choices in wrist and ankle restraints, blood red silk ropes to match my harlot’s nails. Butt plugs that vibrate, remote control bullets and G spot vibrators,pretty pink and black flogger not forgetting the leather paddle thougtfully designed to imprint my chosen badge of honour ‘SLUT’.
All the while these selections were being made I kept being drawn back to your eyes, the line of your throat and those lips that I can’t resist wanting to trace with the lightest touch from my fingertip. How my resolve melts at the memory of you, without concious thought to what I am doing my fingers make their way inside my jeans and the flimsy black scrap of fabric feeling the heat of my desire. Inching ever closer to the edge that your words have already brought me so close to.
The knowledge of the power that my actions have over my lust slave is very empowering turning my core into molten lava to be poured over my willing servant. But before he can enjoy the nectar of my lust for him he must subject himself completely to my will. He will familiarise himself with the implements of my pleasure. Feel the soft leather of his restraints test the D rings and chain that can either be attached at full length or threaded through and back to restict freedom as your mistress wishes. Hold and examine the leather handle of your flogger, feel the different textures of leather and fur. Know that your mistress can choose to let this trail softly against your skin or with the flick of a wrist cause a red heat to glow from the sharper contact of leather on your unprotected being.
Being the good slave of my lust that I know you to be, I know that you will stand perfectly still for your Mistress allowing your clothes to be removed in any manner chosen without a care for the disgarded garments scattered around the floor. You will not flinch when you cannot see what your mistress is doing. All you can feel is the soft touch of a fingertip or hot breath on your back. When commanded to do so you will attach your own wrist then ankle restraints handing the chain to your Mistress who will decide which of your four limbs will be chained together.
When your Mistress is satisfied with the limitations imposed, you will disrobe me using whichever means you have available. First you will remove my skirt to reveal the soft flesh above my stockings and the glisten of moisture on my now exposed cunt. On your knees now you will give my cunt a stroke of your tongue but make it good as you will only have one stroke before you get to your feet to help me out of my blouse. Now you will be faced with the white orbs overflowing the soft lace cups of my bra which will need to be removed, without use of hands. If you succeed in removing this within a reasonable time (remember your Mistress can be impatient in her lust) then you will be allotted 2 minutes on each breast to lick suck and stimulate these to a point of no return. During this time you will pay no heed to what your Mistress may decide to do to your erection. Your Mistress may tease and or squeeze but you must resist any urge to cum.
Moving together to the end of the bed you will climb on the bed positioning yourself on your hands and knees so that your sexy bum is offered up for my amusement. This is when you will feel the soft fur of your flogger as it swirls this way and that across your waiting cheeks, never knowing for sure when you will feel the first snap of leather. I will of course be gentle with you as I want you to enjoy your flogger. But be warned that once your Mistress becomes bored of teasing you that is when you will recieve your brand as your paddle slaps smartly against each cheek declaring you to be my very own SLUT. To cool your now red cheeks a liberal helping of lube will be smeared and rubbed into your cheeks. A further helping of lube will be smeared around and into your inviting bum hole. Now you are ready for your ultimate experience as you willingly accept your butt plug pushed firmly into you. You are going to beg me to turn up the vibrations, I want you to feel the full effect of this toy before I position myself under you.
Still with your bum in the air complete with plug, my mouth taking care of your erection you may now take your pleasure in my glistening cunt.Taste the desire you create in me, eat it all up, rub your face in my pussy covering yourself in my nectar. (I shall enjoy licking you clean later). But first I pull you down to me as I twist around bringing your erection into contact for the first time with my waiting cunt. Now you must fill me with your hardness pumping into me until you reach the point where you want to cum so hard that you feel you will burst. You must withdraw without spilling a drop. You know that your seeds of lust must be saved for my hungry mouth. If you can do this for me you will be rewarded with a taste of your lust as we share passionate kisses. Spent we will collapse together and sleep arms and legs entwined.
That my darling distraction is the fate for one such as yourself who is such a delightful distraction on a dismal and grey day.
“It has been my observation that passive aggressive behaviours and hypocrisy is pretty rampant in BDSM, actually very few people are honest with themselves let alone others. Most communityleaders exegerrate and lie by omission allowing peopel to believe things that are not true.”
“If consenting means you don’t starve you ARE going to consent. If consenting means you can claim societally conditioned worthiness you will consent. If consenting means you confirm your deep seated self hatred you WILL consent.”
“This slave doesn’t think a Dominant is desensitized from harming a sub. Or, at least, they shouldn’t be. Even a sadist should know when the masochist isn’t receiving pleasure from the pain.”
“This is going on all around us. People don’t want to say anything bad about anyone else, even when asked directly for a reference, because they’re afraid of the backlash from within our very community, never mind the police as poor Natalya_Rose encountered. They don’t even want to admit that there’s a problem at all in the community, never mind name names or discuss specifics.”
Almost without fail, when a person new to BDSM begins asking questions about how to go about things in this perverted little world of ours, one word will come up repeatedly: consent. Whether you are a proponent of SSC, RACK or just the general concept of safe play; consent is the one thing everything else is predicated upon. Even in cases of ‘rape play’, its ‘consensual nonconsent’ that is the allure. In that case the concept is so nice they named it twice. Its what protects us from allegations, keeps us safe and that from which all other things flow. Consent is a foundational, meaning everything else is built up on it.
We may bicker and argue and debate the merits of this type of play or that, the safety of an activity, the skill of a player or any of a zillion other things; but it almost always comes back to ‘well, they consented so there you go.’ It’s our stop gap, our fallback, our retreat position. Consent is supposed to be what keeps players on both sides of the whip safe from harm of both the mental and physical varieties.
It all sounds very textbook and thorough and finite. You consent to a thing, you get the thing you consented to. The implication is that so long as consent is given, no other factors should be taken into account when dealing with an event that left a person uncomfortable in some way. As in. ’so you consented to be flogged, you dont get to gripe about bruises now’. Right about here is where speeches about personal responsibility, negotiations, being self educated, etc.. get spouted, often with great gusto and even derision.
Not that the speech givers are wrong: there absolutely should be personal responsibility, education and negotiations undertaken by all parties in a scene. But what happens if a player didnt talk it to great lengths before getting up on that cross? Well the cyclical argument now starts eating itself like the proverbial snake. ‘But still you consented so….’.
It can be very easy at this point to just say ‘be educated and be careful who you trust but when you consent, its game over so dont be crying about it after the fact when you said yes… Dozens of these arguments end right here. Very few times does anyone look deeper into the issue to see whats at the heart of the matter.
Consent isnt the be all and end all of the negotiation process. As a top or a bottom, your goal is not to just get a scene underway. Its not a competition or a race. You dont ‘win’ just because you manage to get a scene in. Your goal is to facilitate a scene that will benefit both parties while still ensuring safety (this goes for tops and bottoms alike). Its not ‘oh hey, a post just opened up, lets get up there and get beaten’, its ‘I’d like to play tonight and here are the things I’d like to get out of it, how can I get that and also have my partner get their needs met and us both walk away with only the type of sensation/emotion we want from it’
So whats the difference? Information leading to the consent, or more succinctly worded: Informed Consent.
To consent to a thing means to permit, approve, or agree; comply or yield to it. Basically it means ‘I say yes’. Informed consent means to approve or comply based upon a clear appreciation and understanding of the facts, implications, and future consequences of an action. Or ‘I understand what is going to be done, how it can possibly effect me in as many ways as possible and I say yes.’ Thats a very big difference. And one not alot of people actually take the time to actually embrace.
Informed consent can be hard to determine. Expressions of consent nor expressions of the understanding of possible implications necessarily mean that full consent was in fact given nor that full comprehension of all relevant issues was understood.Just because someone says ‘yes! i wanna be single tailed!’ doesnt mean they are aware that they could have marks or even bleeding as a result. ‘Common sense’ may tell us that this is in fact a possibility, but common sense is never common. Never assume anyone is aware of every implication just because it seems like ’something everyone should know’. If you are the top, tell your bottom what could happen. If you are the bottom, ask your Top what might result from the scene. Both should be proactive in obtaining and relaying any information relevant to a scene.
Many people rely on that consent may be implied within the usual subtleties of human interaction rather than being explicitly negotiated.You hear this one alot ‘well, you never said no..’. Lack of a no does not automatically mean informed consent has been given. ‘Yes’ is the only thing that means yes, and if you really wanna be one of the cool kids ‘yes, i understand that x,y or z could happen and i still say yes’ is really the only ‘yes’ you wanna move forward with.
In some cases consent cannot realistically be possible, even if the person protests he does indeed understand . This is especially true in cases where a person is not made aware of all the possible effects of an event (flogging can lead to bruising, violet wands may lead to first degree burns, etc..) or if either party is suffering from ‘diminished mental capacity’. If youaren’t aware that your top has issues with anger outbursts, memory impairment, etc.. as the result of an organic process then if a negative outcome arises from the scene it can be legitimately argued that informed consent was never given based on the lack on information relayed at the time consent was requested . Basically, be proactive. Ask the questions, give the answers. Both with as much honesty and authenticity as possible and the risk of negative outcomes decreases exponentially.
The crux of the matter when it comes to Informed Consent is : had the individual been made aware of the risk would they have proceeded with the activity?
Do you sign up for a credit card based ONLY on the credit limit? Or do you look at the interest rate and yearly fee before signing up?
Do you buy a house just because it has 3 bedrooms? Or do you have it inspected to make sure its up to code and you wont have to replace the roof/plumbing/electrical in the next little while?
Do you hire a new employee just because they say they know the things required for the job? Or do you check references, inquire about education levels and assess if their personality meshes well with your existing team?
We take time and care to assess risk and reward in so many aspects of our lives, but then when we decide to place our lives in the care of someone else/ take the life of someone in our own hands (sometimes literally: breathplay, fireplay, edgeplay, etc…) we simply settle for ‘oh that looks like fun, lets do that!’ It seems ill advised at best, downright dangerous and negligent at worst to go about BDSM in such a capricious manner.
As tops we should ask about health issues, possible triggers, hard limits, soft limits, preferences, needs, desires, etc.. that could affect play and relay that same information about ourselves to our partner. As bottoms we should do exactly the same.When in doubt, more information is better. This is not a race against the clock, there is always time. If you dont get the scene in tonight there is no reason it cant happen another night. Basically any excuse for not relaying as much information as possible is just that: an excuse. Where there are excuses there are generally also other issues. Smoke and fire go together in the cliche for a reason.
BDSM is a constant learning process. Learning about skills, theory, interpersonal dynamics, philosophies, and on and on. Just because a scene ‘went bad’ does not mean that a person was/is bad. It can often be viewed as a way to assess what did and did not work well in an effort to make sure history andmistakes do not repeat themselves. Everyone involved in a scene has the responsibility to try and make it as safe and fulfilling a scene as possible and 99 times out of 100 communication will be the best way to make sure that happens.
Just because a ‘yes’ was given is not the end of the story, or even the beginning of a scene. Often times its just the starting off point for entire conversations.
To briefly revisit yesterday, my wife sent me erotic text messages at work hinting that she wanted me to give her oral sex, that she wanted to feel me inside her, and that she wanted to fuck me. That last one was a bit ambiguous, since it could mean either using me as her dildo or sodomizing me with one of our strap-ons. This kept me aroused at work, filling my chastity cage to capacity and making my balls ache.
By the evening I felt had done a few particularly positive things in her eyes, so I had some expectation of being rewarded. Note to self: avoid such silly assumptions in the future.
She was already in bed as I came to crawl in next to her. I pulled the sheets back to find some items on my pillow: a tube of lube, and a dildo with a condom on it. I was a bit shocked. Perhaps I was fortunate that it was the smaller of our two strap-on compatible dildos, although it is about the size of my erect penis (6+).
I looked at her and she told me that I was going to fuck myself while she watched, and that she’d probably help too. I spread out a pad to keep our sheets clean. Then I crawled in bed and lubricated the condom on the silicone cock.
“How did you want me to do this?” I asked. She said “On all fours, facing that way. I want to watch you fuck yourself”. No doubt that she knows what she wants. I reached behind and placed the head of the slippery, rubbery cock against my anus. I pushed in it in slowly. She said “Well, that sure went in easily.” She likes to tease me about how my body seems eager to be sodomized.
“Ok, get busy” she said. I started pumping it in and out, moaning due to both the anal stimulation and the ache in my caged genitals. Before long she took over, and started seriously pistoning it deep into me. I lost touch with reality as my focus narrowed to the intense sensations of the anal reaming. It occurred to me that this must be what it feels like for women when the man gets to that “bring it home” point. It’s like some sexual threshold is crossed and gentle intercourse becomes a pounding. Now I was being pounded.
Or so I thought. Suddenly she was actually pounding the base of the dildo when it was already fully inserted. This gave it an extra inch of penetration. In my head I empathized again, thinking this must be what it feels like to have a hard cock head slamming into your cervix over and over. As she pounded I felt the balls of the dildo slapping up against mine. I wondered how different it would feel if they were warm and real.
She stopped and told me to keep going. In my head space I was being fucked by a man. By now he would certainly be in the home stretch, so I plunged it fully in and out at a fast pace. I kept it up until I didn’t think I could take it, and then went a little longer out of guilt for probably having taken too long with my wife in the past. I ended with several deep, slower orgasmic thrusts. I stayed there on all fours, panting.
“Ok, sit down,” she said. I did so, which meant that I was sitting on the dildo, anchoring it deep inside me. She proceeded to play with my nipples. “Go ahead and masturbate,” she teased. I whimpered “I can’t.” “Try,” she ordered. I stroked the hard plastic shell surrounding my cock, feeling absolutely no sensation of course. “Try here” she said, pointing to the very base of my shaft, which was outside the cage and the only part of my cock that was both hard and accessible. Rubbing that, of course, was also futile. Yet she seemed to be enjoying it all.
As she teased me more, she asked me how it would feel to be unlocked in a month. “A month?” I pouted. “Tell me,” she said, continuing the intense nipple stimulation. I awkwardly said that it would probably be really difficult, but that I’d probably survive if it would make her happy. She minimally acknowledged my response with a “Hmm”.
After that she had me crawl into the sleep sack. This is a tight spandex body sleeve, which zips up and ties tight to keep me immobile. She put a pillow over my face, and said “Now I’m going to masturbate and pretend you’re not here.” And she did. I listened as she pleasured herself twice, and then fell asleep. Bound tight, I struggled to fall asleep, with all sorts of images and questions running through my head.
I collected this bit of wisdom from the Dalai Lama when I attended a lecture he gave a few years ago. As with all things Zen, meaning must be individually discovered …
All of the pieces …
I’ve known that I want to be spanked all of my life, and I’ve known it was an erotic and sexual need for just as long. Even before I knew anything at all about sex, I knew spanking fantasies were pleasing and when combined with masturbation provided a pleasant result. No one is comfortable with the knowledge that a child can be this sexual, even me, so I won’t belabor the point, but it is one of my pieces.
Decades later, when I told P of my needs, I found another piece. His playful spankings provided enjoyment of sex in ways I had never known before. We tried many of the different genre looking for a fit, but I eventually realized I didn’t fit into any category I knew of so we just allowed my needs to be our guide and this worked for a long time. Another piece understood … a piece I thought at the time symbolized the end of my search.
But my fantasies began to change. Gone was the innocent arousal at the thought of a playful, mild spanking over P’s knee. It was replaced by the sound of my screams; I was restrained, P’s hand had become a belt, a tawse, hairbrush, or cane. My bottom marked with bruises, or worse. And I longed to be taken over the edge, to have my limits tested, and to know the euphoria that only comes on the other side of pain. Even without searching I had found another of my pieces.
Then came the Turning Point; sexual arousal at the stories of the beatings that occurred at Dachau. The piece that led to another man and he led to the realization that I am a masochist.
What followed certainly wasn’t my peace, it was the most tumultuous time of my life. But through this I finally met and came to understand the whole of who I am, so I found another piece.
I’m beginning to think I could collect my pieces forever and ever without end …
A huge thanks goes out to the City of Portland queers for making ‘Love Hurts’ fantastic. It was a crunch to the last minute as it if the party was going to continue (due to low RSVP and ticket sales), but you spoke. Letting us know that you WANTED this party in a space that was perfect for you and what you wanted.
So again—> Thank you!
‘Love Hurts’ will occur every other month (for now) at Valhalla Dungeon.
We encourage feedback, so please comment or email us with your feedback. Be sure to use a valid email so we can response appropriately.
Next month is ‘Go BUCK Yourself’ featuring Buck Angel in all his glory!
I came out of the kitchen with a large knife. Randi was sitting on the couch in the living room. She was wearing jeans with a tiny hole near the crotch. I sat down beside her and put the knife up to her face and gently ran it down her face. She looked more turned on then afraid. I ran the knife down her arms and kissed her roughly. She took my tongue in her mouth and kissed back passionately. I pulled away and ran the knife over her big tits covered in her Metallica T-shirt. I cut a little hole in the center of her shirt.
“No. This is my favorite shi. .” she said.
“Not anymore” I said.
She was too horny to care as I kept running the knife up and down her body. I ripped the rest of her shirt open to reveal her tits in her black bra. I cut the bra loose. I ran the cold steel across her tits and carefully on her nipples. I sucked her tits and she let out a little gasp of pleasure. I kissed her lips again and she showed even more passion.
I took the knife and put it right on the hole in her jeans at the crotch. I slid it in and out of the hole cutting her jeans open to reveal her black silk panties. I ripped a bigger hole with my hand while holding the knife in position at the edge of the hole. I took the knife and put it near her throat as I fingered her tight little pussy through her panties. I always like to leave the panties on. Her pussy was soaking wet. She moaned louder and louder as I thrust my fingers in her and played with her clit. I took the knife and pressed it on her clit while I fingered her. The pressure of the cold steel and my fingers in her made her cum fast. Her juices lowed all over my fingers and the couch.
It was my turn. I was so hard from the knife play that I needed release fast. I pulled out my cock and put her hand on it and ordered her to stroke it. She did what she was told. I love a good handjob and she was good under pressure. She tried to lick it and I told her no. She’ll have to earn that next time. I kept the knife in my hand pointed at her and told her to stroke me faster and to squeeze it as hard as she could. I told her to keep her face close so I can cum all over it. She did. I did. I came fast and got it in her eye and it dripped down her nose.
I grabbed her hair hard and pulled her head back and kissed her with my cum still on her face. I stopped and held the knife up and told her to leave. She left with her shirt and pants ripped apart.
This was the first night we hooked up and it was just the beginning. We were to explore many other fetishes and sex play. The best was yet to come.
So I just got this book today and am really excited about it. I have been wanting to read this book for awhile now even the subtitle speaks to me, How the Ideal Woman Awakens A Man’s Deepest Love and Tenderness, I love the idea of becoming his ideal woman. I think as I read this I will be blogging about it quite a bit. Now, this book is not necessarily CDD related but it is written with the idea of serving and submission.
Babykat felt cheeky last night. She wasn’t in a mood or feeling particularly like a bad little girl, but she just didn’t feel like going by the rules.
Not to mention that babykat was aroused. Very aroused. She of course won’t let onto the detail, but two things had left her in a state of complete frustration, oversensititized and unable to focus. These two late night pleasures – Mummy’s phone sex with her, and babykat’s plug, had created a state both mentally and physically that was challenging her ability to cope with her ‘lock‘ quietly.
Babykat normally gets a rush out of being locked. The lock, as mentioned in her post ”The best control“, is in no way a physical one, but instead a mental trigger set into her mind during a hypnosis session on one of Mummy’s mp3s. Just the same as Mummy’s other mp3s, the more she listens to it the more it becomes a rule in babykat’s mind. It may only be a mental trigger, a word that babykat’s own actions made so important, but it’s becoming just as strong as the most unforgiving physical restraint. Having been listening to the mp3 as part of her routine for a number of weeks now, the trigger is beginning to show its true strengths.
From babykat’s point of view, there are two real elements to the trigger that allows babykat to climax. It is her belief that as she listens more and more to the mp3, the importance of each element will gradually change. The first is currently the strongest in her mind. You know the feeling, when you’re too stressed or tired or upset about something that you are unable to climax, no matter how much you try the usual feel-goods? It’s in relation to that, the inability to relax her mind enough to let a climax happen, or take her mind off other thoughts to let pleasure enter babykat’s head. Here, of course, the ‘other thoughts’ are that of Batling. Mummy doesn’t want her babykat to climax. She’s told her not to, and babykat wouldn’t want to go against Mummy’s will by doing so. Her ‘locked’ state is constantly on babykat’s mind, a reminder of control and submission, keeping it in her mind who ultimately has control over when she climaxes. Her mind is just unable to relax enough to push herself over the edge to orgasm. The second aspect of babykat’s chastity is the one that ‘lock’ created and the one that babykat expects will become dominant with more listens to the mp3. That’s the actual feeling that babykat can’t, no matter how much pleasure she feels. Just like other trances paint a picture in her mind of the image described, or Mummy’s rules stated, this particular mp3 is painting a picture of a chastity belt Mummy has locked to her girl. It’s beginning to feel like an actual physical inability to climax, without that word, the key that triggers her orgasm.
Last night babykat had, as usual, been locked. And, as usual, the lock was on for an indefinite amount of time. Mummy never tells babykat when she’ll next be allowed to climax, because that adds to the excitement and the frustration that babykat experiences, and heightens the level of control Mummy has because she’s so able to taunt babykat with the prospect. There aren’t many words one would expect to have to beg for, especially in normal day-to-day life. Unlock is the word that babykat has become accustomed to begging for, now that Mummy keeps her locked so consistently. Babykat feels like a whore begging for it, really. Like a true submissive, and a dirty, needy one at that. It’ll end up being all that is on her mind, the six letters she revolves around whether she is close to a climax or just hopes for some time playing by herself. Babykat has become better at asking for it, because she knows that leaving it too late, too close to going over the edge, would really affect her if she was not allowed. She’s unsure whether her mind would let her climax, because of the state ‘lock’ puts her in, but she doesn’t want to find out. The prospect of climaxing without permission, and Mummy’s response to it, scares her.
That wasn’t the reason babykat felt cheeky last night. She didn’t want to try to push herself over the edge and see how Mummy would react. She’s more obedient than that! What she did want was to test herself under hypnosis. Babykat has spent so much time explaining to people lately, about the inability to move during a trance. If you’ve never experienced hypnosis, it really is hard to associate words with producing a physical inability. People are unsure, are convinced that it must just be a lack of concentration and mental focus on the task of moving. Even babykat was dubious it would produce such a response before she began her hypnosis journey. But she doesn’t want to repeat herself, as “The best control“already refers to this. Last night she was curious, though. It wasn’t doubting Mummy, it was a lack of trust in the whole hypnosis process itself. Purely because it’s so amazing the effect it can have! Babykat was wondering, ’if i put my mind to it, maybe i could move?‘. Not because there was any desire to move, instead a curiosity thing. But also, she was very aroused. Normally if she plays during a session, it’ll be before or after the trance itself, but she wanted to play so much that her mind wandered. So she began the mp3, the chastity one she’s refered to, and reached the point at which she feels so oversensitized, where Mummy’s talking about touching her, feeling her, and babykat can literally feel her skin tingling. She was desperate to move. It would feel amazing to be touching the places around her body where these feelings concentrated, she thought. So she tried. Not kidding, she really tried. Just the one fingertip, just shifting her thighs open, the amount of focus babykat put into it.. And she couldn’t move. Her breathing quickened with anticipation, but none of the muscles she was putting so much focus into moving responded. She associates Mummy’s voice so much with arousal, and because of earlier activities last night especially so. But Mummy’s voice truly is a taunt, because she just can’t move. She accepted that and lay back, found herself relaxing into the more passive of the two states she receives her hypnosis in – the one during which her mind is completely open, letting Mummy in like water flowing from an open tap. Babykat wasn’t even thinking about the words entering her thoughts, didn’t even imagine a picture, just let Mummy tap into her thoughts, take a hold of her without her consciously knowing. Because, after all, that’s the true submission in hypnosis.
So babykat bets you’re thinking why? Why would somebody choose to be denied orgasms, and still continue with a dynamic that has potentially scary consequences? It’s all about submission. Babykat could never pretend that she doesn’t love being locked. It may sometimes frustrate her, make her behave needy and obsessed, not to mention make her pussy ache beyond belief, but ultimately the reason and love for being locked is beyond physical feelings. To have somebody able to control the feeling that is often the reason babykat begins to play with herself for is a huge amount of power. Not just because it’s a natural progression from play to climax, but because of the mental state it puts you in. When babykat is locked, she knows that she is unable to climax and so often, she refrains from playing. There is still play without orgasm, or play followed by a request to be unlocked, but to refrain from playing often seems the easiest option. This in itself has beneficial consequences in Mummy’s relationship with babykat. Some days it’s hard for babykat to stop her hands wandering when she’s in a scene with Mummy, or just browsing the net. The latter is what makes lock hard, and the former is where it has so many benefits. Because when you’re touching yourself, your mind will never be fully on the scene, never truly focused. In babykat’s mind, that’s a problem. Mummy’s pleasure comes first, no matter how much Mummy likes to hear it when babykat plays, and Mummy’s pleasure should be the root of babykat’s concentration. If she’s playing and is thinking about her own climax, it isn’t. So despite the frustration, her chastity means that babykat isn’t tempted to play with herself and can therefore focus much better on the scene. Not to mention, it makes babykat want to orgasm. Really want it. It’s no longer the usual ‘that might be nice‘ or ‘i’ll feel better if i do‘ but it’s become a ‘please, please let me‘ kinda thing. Something that has put Mummy apart from other Dom/mes from the beginning has her reluctance to play with babykat too much, so that it becomes something she actively desires. It’s become the same with climax, and babykat hopes that this is something which pleases Mummy. Having such a restriction makes babykat more aware of her mood, to realise when she wants to come. It makes her realise just how many times during the day she would bring herself to climax if she could, and much more appreciative when she is allowed. It’s teaching her to be a better restrained, less one-track-minded girl during a scene, but ultimately has produced a dirty whore at other times as a result of that. Which is just another side of babykat that has a weakness, is becoming intoxicated by Mummy. Babykat likes being her whore, likes it when Mummy tells her what a whore she is for wanting it so much as to beg. After all, she can’t deny it.
Aftercare is one of those things that is given a bit of lip-service within the Lifestyle, but not a lot is really said about it on an educational or practical level. It is also one of those things that, in spite of those of us who try to educate others about it, simply is not practiced enough or correctly when observed at public events or parties.
I would go so far as to venture a guess that a great many of the submissives who may find this blog have rarely if ever actually experienced a well planned, effective, sensitive and rejuvinating aftercare. I will all but guarantee that even fewer Dominants have received any manner of Aftercare at the end of a vigorous, physically or emotionally exhausting scene.
Let us begin by defining exactly what Aftercare is. Knowing that is important to what it takes to make a scene and where aftercare fits into the scene. Every scene should be comprised of four basic and essential parts. These parts are Negotiation, Pre-care, Play, and Aftercare.
In Negotiation, both parties discuss what is and what is not desired, accepted, expected or allowed from either party during the course of the rest of the scene. Limits are disclosed by both parties, preferences are discussed, and a safeword protocol is agreed upon. Sometimes the toybag will be examined, and unacceptable toys will be put asside.
In Pre-care all of the physical, environmental, and psychological preparations are made for the scene. The room is set up to suit the type of play that has been negotiated. The temperature is set to enhance the scene and not be a distraction. The music, if used, is put on and allowed to play. Restraints are applied, and the submissive (or submissives) are placed into their position for the play portion of the scene. If specific roles are to be assumed by the participants, that is begun now so that they are sufficiently ingrained before heavier play begins.
Throughout Play, the negotiated activities take place.
During Aftercare, the all of the participants of the scene are given an opportunity to cool-down and reflect on the scene as it progressed and, indeed, as it continues to progress.
Aftercare is that part of the scene where a conscientious Dominant drives away the demons that were summoned through the use of painful impliments, harsh tones, humiliation, accusations, overwhelming repeated sexual stimulation, isolation, fear, and simulated abandonment. Aftercare is a time of reasurance, of physical, emotional, and spiritual sustenance, and of healing. It is a combination of Mom’s Cookies™ and milk, randy debaucherie, and tender ministrations to a well worked and exhausted submissive and to his Dominant.
But what, exactly constitutes a good Aftercare?
Good Aftercare is a scene specific recovery plan that you develop for your submissive based on his physical and emotional needs after the stimulation portion of play.
Begin by removing the submissive from his bounds and guiding him or her to a warm, comfortable place, dimly lit if possible. A couch, bench or bed is best, but a pallet on the floor or extra large pet bed will do for the more agile Dominant and submissive. What you want is a place where the submissive can lay comfortably, and where you can maintain close contact with him. If physical contact is not possible, then close verbal contact mixed with touch is good.
Cover the submissive with a blanket or coverlet to keep the physical drop or “shock” from being too intense and triggering an adverse reaction. Another means to that end is to provide your submissive with carbohydrate sources such as juice, pastry, cookies, and other easy to consume items. This will counteract the body’s consumption of available glucose during the course of the scene and keep the submissive from going into a hypoglycemic state.
As he lays there, warm and cared for, softly speak to him and offer him praise for the way he endured your sadism. Stroke his back, his shoulder, his arm as you speak. Hold his hand in yours, both as a reward and as a means for you to monitor his body temperature, any shivering, swelling, and skin color. Watch his breathing, his eyes, and listen to the way he speaks if he does speak.
Now is not necessarily the time for analizing the scene, picking apart your technique, and reaping praise for your boundless skills. That time will come later, when he is more cognant and responsive. Remember, endorphins are a very power chemical which can induce very strong emotional and intellectual responses, not all of them positive. He may have difficulty focusing, putting his thoughts into words, even making simple movements. Just remain with him until his mind clears a bit, do regular wellness checks, and speak gently to slowly bring him back from his subspace without robbing him of it.
Eventually his body temperature and mental state will begin to be more predictable and manageable. When this happens, you have an opportunity to perform a detailed inspection of his body. It is more than an opportunity, it is an obligation to check and re-check him for cuts, skin abrasions, bruises and other visible signs of trauma which can lead to more serious problems if left untreated.
Make sure that each wound is addressed appropriately: clean them, treat them for infection prevention, and cover them with a dry, sterile dressing or bandage. For you Forced Fem or age-play practitioners, use Barbie, Dora the Explorer, My Pretty Pony or other juvenile bandaids for a bit of playful fun if you and your submissive do not see it as being unnecessarily cruel or inappropriate at such a moment.
By giving thoughtful and sensitive care during a session of Aftercare, you can enhance and reinforce your relationship with your submissive, and can also deepen your ties to those free-range submissives with whom you play at events or parties.
That long since my last post?!! I should be shot! Seriously though I have been busy and I did write a post but then it got too long and I had to cut it up to pieces so there wouldn’t be a two page post and I got lazy and… oh it doesn’t matter.
Here’s the short list:
4th and 5th – nothing interesting happened
6th – an attempt at provoking a playful spanking turned ugly, feelings were hurt (will write more later)
7th – feelings were soothed with another spanking (will write about this too)
8th – anniversary spanking. otk hand spanking followed by the paddle. The paddling continued until blood spatter was produced. (Not as gory as it sounds oddly enough, just that wood rubs off my skin rather quickly and I don’t know that it has and I keep asking for more and… well you know how one always reads about a certain spanking making it difficult to sit down for a week? Never happened to me or anyone I know. There’d be bruises but they’d only hurt if you directly poked them. HOWEVER, having the skin polished off of your butt WILL make it difficult to sit for a week. Yes I do feel silly that I have two round spots of skin removed from my ass.) (yea more on this later too)
9th to today – no spanking, skin just growing back, busy with other ungodly activities
About to put Luke on a new diet (his request) so getting prepped up for that. It’s good for me too. I always eat better when he is on a diet and we both get more exercise.
Boo for v-day. How can people tolerate that much sap?
10 days to my B-Day. Yay. Getting excited.
I’ll write more soon. As soon as I can sit long term without damaging tender new butt skin.
I can’t be the only person who has a thing for chicks in gender-bending suspenders, and proof positive of that is this shoot by Jonas Lindström.
While he does a lot of traditional fashion and portrait photography, this set stood out to me (and frequent readers of PA already get it) because of the fetishism and bondage motifs, as well as the fluidity of gender roles, and the over all dark mood of the photographs. Check out his blog and other projects.
Dragon must hate me though. My psychic powers always foil his plans
I took Leo for a walk just now, and decided to walk to the building entrance to check the mail since I was going in that direction anyway. There was a manila envelope that was very clearly marked “Eternity Collars”. So, I really didn’t snoop to find it. I hurried home and showed him. I am sure he is tired of me always guessing gifts before he gives them. I even knew when he was going to propose, though I was surprised at the ring itself.
He kindly decided to let me have it early, and I think I broke the sound barrier with my squee-ing. It’s beautiful! It doesn’t look as rainbow-y as in the picture, but it is so cool! The light changes the way it looks from every angle. Unfortunately, it is a little too big. If I squeeze my fingers close enough together, I can slip it off. Which kind of defeats the purpose. So, he’s sending it back since they have a really great exchange policy. Hopefully the smaller one will get here soon! I went from bouncing off the walls to disappointment in about 60 seconds. Sad panda.
But I am very grateful to have such a thoughtful Master, even if I am terribly spoiled. Thank you, Dragon. I love you, and I love it!
I don’t talk about the nature of our relationship on here much. Even if our friends are okay with it, I still worry about making them uncomfortable. And I’ve been there done that with another blog, and there are just too many people on the internet who like to one-up each other (though none of the bloggers I read do that) in the BDSM world. I got sick of comments about what I should be doing, what I should be feeling, etc., when the only person who has the right to tell me any of that, is Dragon. So, I just try to keep it out of here. But it still remains a very important part of our life and of who I am. So even though it is just a shiny piece of metal, that cuff means SO much to me, and I am so happy and grateful for it and what it means…and that Dragon loves me enough to keep me, despite my cattiness
We went to Walmart today and I picked up some yarn, as well as some knitting needles and crochet hooks. I learned a little bit of knitting in high school (even though I suck) but I have no idea how to crochet. I picked two hooks that looked like good sizes, because I had no idea what I was doing.
I looked through YouTube for how-to crochet videos, but I didn’t have much luck. Lots of them were for hats or intricate patterns. I learned how to make a chain! But then none of them said what to do next, so I temporarily gave up. It’s pretty difficult to learn as a left-handed person. With knitting, it is easier because you alternate hands anyway. But the crocheting is proving to be difficult. I will prevail though!
Anyway, until then I am trying to get better at knitting. Right now I am making a blanket for my dollhouse. Look how terrible it looks. There’s even a hole in the corner, and I don’t know how that happened!!! Martha Stewart would be so ashamed…
I’m making grandma’s porcupines for dinner! Nom nom. Except I am using ground turkey instead of beef, which is something she would never do (sorry Grandma!). I realized that I have not been eating beef at all lately. I’ve been replacing it with turkey and chicken for months now, and now I am wondering if I should stop eating red meat altogether. It’s something to think about, at least. Though I know Dragon will never give up his steak.
I want this week to be over already! I have a paper and two mid-terms to get through before I can have any fun But, I know I will see friends this week for D&D (which I am nervous about DM-ing) and then there is V-Day to look forward to. I’m just working for the weekend at this point!
The following is a quote from one of my favorite blogs …
Sadomasochists are no different than ma and pa Kettle
“I had a record number of visits to my blog yesterday when I wrote about spanking. Since there was so much interest in the topic it seems that one good spanking deserves another. There were four recent scientific studies conducted on the mental health of BDSM practitioners. Each study found no evidence of psychopathology and there has never been a study that suggests anything to the contrary. One study even found that BDSM practitioners have IQ’s that are 10 points higher than members of the general population. Not only can BDSM be a healthy form of sexual expression between consenting adults, but as a group, those who participate may also be smarter than the average person. BDSM is a complex game of role-play and costumery requiring thought, communication skills and trust. Perhaps BDSM is to sex what chess is to checkers. The kinksters may have just declared “checkmate!”
www.doctorcannon
To read what Dr. Cannon has to say about spanking, follow the link to his blog and search A spanking good time (February 5, 2009)
One of my rules is to write here at least once a week.
Oops.
Yeah, I missed last week’s post, and it really has been bugging me, but it seemed like I was so busy with this or that, and I’d think about it and tell myself, “I’ll get to it later.”
It’s later, and this is gonna be one helluva big post, so let the dogs out, take a potty break, grab a drink and get comfy.
The past two weeks have been really chaotic and stressful. I finally reached my limit with Chip and finally had to sit him down and tell him that I just couldn’t continue. My sis and one of my closest friends held my hands through it and gave me the backbone to do it. I knew it needed to end. Hell, I’d been working on ending it for a while. I had to do it carefully to try to avoid some seriously scary fallout.
The breakup went as well as could be expected. I really owe a lot to Angel and Cara for not letting me waver and for not letting me fall victim to some heavy duty manipulation. J was a trooper, giving me the room I needed but making sure I was aware that he was right there if I needed him.
I put it out there, on the line, with Chip, telling him all I could give him was friendship. The past two weeks have been filled with him expressing all kinds of emotion – anger, grief, sorrow. He says that it finally hit him how badly he treated me, abused me in fact, and he is so sorry for that. I take it with a grain of salt. As hard as it was to pull the plug, I’ve never wavered or had second thoughts once it was done.
What else happened the past two weeks? Oh! Staff date auction at work. That was a longgg day but it was a ton of fun. I ended up buying Daddy, and he bought me, during the first auction. Which actually was kinda stupid considering that we’re together anyway, but meh, it was fun and it helps out the club. I liked people knowing, and seeing, he and I bid on each other. Kind of like it was bringing our relationship a little more out in the open. I also ended up buying my sis, as well as her guy. I gave my date with him to her, but I’m keeping my date with her. :D We’re going to have a girl’s night out, leaving the guys to fend for themselves and do guy things. I just have to pin her down! The four of us work at the same place, but not always the same shifts, so it can be kinda hit and miss as to who is off work with whom. Tatt bought me in the afternoon auction and we’ve already had our date. She took me out shopping to a few of her favorite stores and omg, I had a blast and bought way too many outfits.
I’ve managed to go this entire two week period without getting spanked. Go me! I think. I dunno, it’s kinda weird in a way, but not so weird. I’m usually pretty well behaved, but two whole weeks? It kinda makes me wonder if Daddy wasn’t maybe a bit lenient on me because of the stress of crap with Chip. It definitely had me on edge, along with a whole range of emotions. Topping that off was my period which was delayed by the stress, and when it finally showed up, it showed up with a vengeance.
I haven’t asked him if he was lenient, because um, that’s just something that really didn’t occur to me at the time, but looking back now I’m pretty sure he was. He tends to be the type to take a lot of factors into consideration. He asks questions to find out where my head space is and what’s going on with me, and I’m incredibly grateful for that. Some people just make assumptions and run with them, which can really suck.
But then again when I think back over our relationship, there really haven’t been that many times when I’ve found myself in trouble. Angel and Helios, as well as some others, seem to have this perception that I’m constantly in trouble and either OTK or in the corner, but in the six months (whoa, six months! already?) we’ve been together, I can count on one hand the number of times when I’ve found myself being seriously scolded or punished. Hell, Angel has already had to go to a second hand and I’m suspecting a few toes as well in her counting. :p And they say I’m the naughty/fiesty one. *snorts*
Am I perfect? Oh hell no. I screw up too, and trust me, I’ve made some doozies along the way. Most of the times I find myself in trouble is because I’ve misunderstood the situation – specifically, I’ve thought we were just playing around and totally missed the point of where the matter turned serious. Yeah, one of my biggest trouble spots would probably have to be that I get too playful and I assume he’s playing too. It honestly surprises me to find myself in trouble during those times.
So no, I’m not perfect. I’m just hmm, experienced? I’ve been in and out of this lifestyle since I was 17 (for those counting along at home, lets just say that puts me at the end closer to 26 years than not and let it go at that). I’ve studied the lessons over and over, and heck, I still study them, always researching and reading because I’m not delusional enough to think I’ve learned it all. Yes, every relationship will have different nuances, based on the two people involved and what they need/want/desire. But there’s still a common thread running through any BDSM relationship. There’s a few actually, but the threads that really stand out for me are: Respect, Honor, Trust and Communication.
During my psych rotation in nursing school I ran across a theory about why people tend to be more respectful and courteous when dealing with acquaintances than they are when dealing with those that are the closest to them. Kinda like the adage, “You always hurt the ones you love.” The explanation given for this is that we do that because we feel safe and secure in those relationships. We know that our partner knows us better than anyone else, and that they will still love us when we are having a really crappy day and snap at them, whereas with a stranger or a acquaintance, we feel it necessary to put our best face forward, so to speak. In reality, we should be showing respect and honor to those closest to us, for they are the most dear and most deserving of these traits. However, security kind of blurs that for most of us. Kinda like a back-handed compliment, no?
Anyway, because of this I find myself taking a few moments, hours, days (whatever it takes) for me to compose myself when upset so that I can speak respectfully to Daddy and explain my concern about something. What I do need to work on is speaking up and saying that’s what I’m doing. I need to be more open and just tell him, “Yes, there’s a problem I’m wrestling around, but I’m not quite ready to talk about it yet, please.” - See how that plays into the Communication aspect? - He always seems to know when something is bothering me. And no, it’s not cuz I’m hurling small appliances at the walls. But denying it, or just answering “Nothing” is really nothing but a lie. And a lie is definitely NOT Honorable. I just sometimes need to step back and try to find my words. I have found that if I try to explain something when I’m upset it is harder for me to put the right words together, which frustrates me even more, making me more upset, making it even harder to find the words.
Vicious circle there huh?
But that in itself plays into the Trust aspect. He trusts me to bring my problem to him when I get a handle on them, and I trust him not to hold it against me or pressure me while I’m getting myself centered on the matter.
So yeah, I’m not perfect. I’ve just had years of using a different thought process than I had when I was vanilla, as well as the psych training I went through. I just combined the two into a method that works for me. It has become my “norm”, so to speak. Again, this doesn’t mean I don’t screw up and snap now and then, cuz hullo, human here. But I’ve learned that “More flies with honey” is very much a truism and doesn’t solely apply to trying to entice someone to do something for you.
Need to refill your coffee? Get snacks? Go ahead, I’ll wait. I told ya’ll this was gonna be an epic entry. LOL
Alright .. everyone back and comfy again? Here we go.
J and I got a new house with more land. We have been having a blast with the decorating. He even built this awesome deck to one side of the house and did a fantastic job! Being a true manly-man, the first things he put on it were the ice chest and grill. LOL
He also converted a spare space into this killer Media room, with the big screen tv, dvd players, comfy couches and room to dance. And in not so manly-man fashion, he decorated it pink and purple. He luffs me.
He even started on a Zen garden out in the big side yard, and my sis, Angel, and her sweetiepie Helios have *ahem* christened it. I know cuz I found suspicious looking imprints in the sand yesterday. Shoulda known them moving to the neighborhood would add spice!
Next topic – J really opened up to me about some things yesterday and blew me away. No, not with what he told me, but the fact that he told me. It was incredibly personal and intimate information and I know it was extremely difficult for him to share it. The fact that he did sent my heart into a storm of pitterpatters and made me fall even that much harder for him, which I thought was totally impossible considering I’m head over heels for him. The level of trust that he showed was amazing. The reason why he shared it with me was even more amazing. He did it because he picked up on some insecurities I was having and he didn’t want any mis-perceptions on my part to be feeding into those insecurities. He shared it because he loves me and was protecting me. See, told you he loves me. :) Thank you baby. It meant more to me than you could possibly guess.
Lastly, altho I suspect I’m leaving some stuff out, we got some terrible news yesterday. Our friend Cara lost her mother yesterday. We’re incredibly saddened by the news and more than a little concerned for Cara, given the tenuous relationship she had with her mom. Cara is such a kind and giving soul, and I just know she’ll be extremely guilt-ridden over the way things ended with her mom. We had Cara and her hubby over last night. She needed some mindless distraction for a couple of hours. She and J had a conversation, in which J just let her vent, full of starts and stops. Then we played some greedy and tried to tire her out so she’d sleep.
Naturally watching a close friend go through the steps of final arrangements for a loved one touched on scars that both J and I have – of J losing his son and me losing my father. I didn’t sleep well at all last night. I didn’t sleep well at all the night before either, so I’m seriously brain dead. Neither one of us slept more than a few hours last night. Poor J felt physically sick to his stomach knowing Cara was having to go through this. My stomach revolted too and I spent way too much time in the bathroom on and off thru the night.
The pain of loss does get easier, but it never ever truly goes away, I believe.
Whew. That’s it, I think. Now it’s time to hit Publish, wander off to get some stuff done, then crawl into bed for a nap.
This morning I sat down to catch up on my blog reading….I went over to Luna’s blog and was astounded by what I read there. Well, not astounded by her actual blog post – but in the comments another sub decided to take Luna to task for “grating on her nerves” (which quite frankly was the nicest sentence in the whole comment).
http://lunakm.me/2010/01/over-complication/
This bothers me on a lot of levels. First of all, if you don’t like what you read on a particular person’s blog, then QUIT FOLLOWING THE BLOG. Why waste time reading a blog you don’t like?
Second of all, it is tacky to throw a tantrum on someone else’s blog.
But last, and most importantly, since when is it okay to tell someone they are inferior just because she lives a different lifestyle than your own? This person proceeded to yell at Luna for not having children, for expressing her misery at being ill, and for mourning the fact that she didn’t have private time of her own. Evidently if you are a submissive and a blogger, you are supposed to present a happy front at all times?
Honestly – everyone is different, everyone is unique. There are Dom/sub relationships out there that are 24/7. Some people have a D/s relationship that revolves purely around the bedroom – in every other area of life the partners are equal in all things. And still others have different styles of BDSM. That doesn’t mean that one style is superior to the other….it just means it is different.
The “holier-than-thou” attitude that I see coming out of some subs really pisses me off. As an editor of a human sexuality forum, I see this a LOT. Quite frankly, whenever I read it I feel as though I am a recess monitor at a school for delinquents!
Every sub is different (and I can hear all the Dominates saying “Amen!” over that fact). We are individuals with differing viewpoints, priorities, habits, and values. We are also, all of us, united by our status as submissives. We are members of a sisterhood that is already attacked by the mainstream public who believes in myths and misconceptions. The last thing we need is dissension among our own ranks.
So please, people – if you read a blog that you disagree with, and you feel the need to post something to that affect in the comments, then do so with tact and empathy. You wouldn’t like it if others attacked you for YOUR lifestyle choices, so offer the same courtesy to others.
I am so kicking myself right now. With a smile, but still…
Last night, Sir popped over quickly as he’d dropped his brother off in town and wanted to swing by for a quick blowjob before he left for the hospital again. He also brought the head box he’s building over to do a fitting. I took his cock in my mouth like a good little hungry slut, and savoured every squirt of jizz that he sprayed over my tongue. It was heavenly. Afterward, he wanted some food before he hit the road again. We got in the car and went through a drive-thru, and as he was driving me back to the apartment, he asked if I wanted to come with him for the next day and a half. I wanted to jump right in and say yes, but I didn’t. I thought for a second, and then made the mature decision that he should probably spend time with his mom in the hospital and not just take me back to her house and play with me for the entire time. He seemed a little disappointed, but at the time I felt good for not taking advantage of his time.
And now I’m sitting home, horny and alone, and chatting with him at his mom’s house and wishing so much that I was there. It would just be Sir and me. I could be kept naked and collared, serving him, servicing him and feeling that wonderful tingle in my body that lets me know I’ve entered into an entirely different mindset. Supersub. The idea of his hands gently running over my skin, awakening the sensitive nerves all along my most sensitive areas; the thought of the biting sting of a quick, shallow slap or nails digging into my flesh; the heat and moisture building in my cunt as I anticipate his fingers or his tongue or his dick penetrating me…And toys! Using the flogger, or the paddle (my new favorite) on my ass and thighs until I beg him to stop in the most wanton, breathy voice I’ve ever heard come out of me. Yeah. Damn those mature decisions.
Goodness, I am all worked up! Sir bought me a new vibrator for my birthday, as I said, and I think I’ll have to use it. I don’t even need porn at this point. My imagination is running wild.
As life develops we tend to progress with the relationships in our lives. Shedding acquaintances and the faux friends acquired through time. As we grow, we notice that the circle of true friendships become more about quality verses quantity. Life circumstances dictate the strong ties we build. Either we cherish them- or relationships become another cigarette butt thrown out the car window as we cruise through life on our own bumpy potholed road.
My husband, soul mate, life partner, best friend and yes my KING has opened my eyes to the wonderment of a TRUE relationship. A relationship of understanding, mutual respect, individuality, oneness and compromise. I love his approach to our marriage. Gentle, loving, open, supportive and protective. While we share the same creative mind, our individuality is always our own. Our goals always clear, known and mutual. Our own relationship has been such a strong foundation that many of the same principals transcend to every relationship I encounter. Friends, family even how I deal with various play partners in the scene.
In the recent years he’s opened himself up to learn more about BDSM/ KINK. He loves the beauty and art of the Lifestyle, yet participation isn’t in his grasp. His limited knowledge and experience has had him inquire more. He’s fascinated by many aspects and has done a bit of exploring of his own.
I recall attending a fetish event with him and being so excited he wanted to attend- that I missed the quick lesson in protocol and disclaimer I should have given prior to leaving the house. Long story short, he approached a collared slave and couldn’t understand WHY he was not responding to his very polite introduction and offer of a gentlemanly hand shake. After a few moments of proding the very well behaved slave who was being orderly and obedient- then steps out of his ’sub-space’ and leans over to my husband and courteously says: “Hey man I know you’re new, but I’m not allowed to talk to you. I’m NOT being rude. I just can’t.” Then the slave retreats and assumes the same position his Master left him in.
I caught the tail end of the conversation and saw the slave retreat. A wonderful way to handle the situation I thought and I appreciated the way he approached my husband. After explaining what just happened, my husband and I laughed and it has actually turned into a fond memory for us. Although what made me happy was my husband’s reaction. While we did find humor in the situation, I noticed that he felt embarrassed by his lack of knowledge and his non intended disrespect. He seeked out the slave’s Master and humbly apologized, acknowledging that there was not any intended disrespect by his earlier actions. He simply did not know. My husband did this on his own accord. The Master was kind and generous and welcomed my husband into the scene with a “No harm, No foul…thank you for respecting our protocol.” Most folks would of been intimidated, my husband was man enough to do the right thing.
As we’ve grown in our own personal relationship- he has come to the conclusion that he can appreciate the BDSM Lifestyle, but it is not one he practices. We share many of the same friends from my world and that both adore and love dearly. My husband allows me to be me and practice a Lifestyle independent of his own. I do keep the lines of communication open and the conversation always flowing. He knows all the toys I play with. The submissives I train and those I intend to collar. As he puts it: “Go ahead, do you…I appreciate what you do. I just can’t wrap my head around it.” He still attends fetish events with me and KNOWS who to approach now. lol Although he can’t ‘wrap his head around it’…I do notice how royally comfortable he is when I send my female toys to attend to him and sit at his feet. A King is a King. He IS MY KING and I’m a grateful Queen to share court with him.
Hi there..My name is Sarah (My porn Name being “Sarah Kelly xxx”) and for my Sins i”m an Adult Glamour Model,Pornstar,Swinger and fully Fledged Dominatrix.. I grew up in Ireland,the youngest of 3 girls with 3 older brothers,went to a Catholic School and was taught by Nuns. Those Nuns have alot to answer for,ALOT,I kid you not. We were taught “Sex is for procreation ONLY”and thats inside of marriage! Hence in Ireland, you get so many guilt ridden,horny young girls with “dirty”thoughts that are thoroughly repressed until adult hood, where they break away from the family and home and discover a whole new world outside. Just As i Did upon leaving home for England,A world full of nightclubs, full of men wanting to “Teach” them,of other girls who have masturbated over rude thoughts of discovering their Bisexual side,of beingwatched,of Swingers Clubs and Porn and Erotic images in books,on Tv,all waiting to be eagerly explored and devoured. To be savoured,enjoyed and experienced over and over and then,expanded on as you discover what you like doing to yourself and to others,and what you like having done to you …… Out of that background grew “Sarah Kelly xxx”. The type of normal,unassuming girl you”d pass every day in the street -but who behind closed doors,on set, at a Swingers Club or Sex Party becomes a Dominatrix,Swinger and HardcorePornstar …. In my ever continuing journey i have discovered That im VERY Bisexual and that i LOVE Dominating Guys and “Training”Girls,That I love exhibitionism and using my Strap on Cock,anal sex,Fem Dom scenarios like Ball busting,face sitting,Spanking,cuckolds,footworship and other Fetishes..I love fucking machines,Sex Parties,Swinging,flashing,sucking cock,watching guys spurt and girls gush when i fist them,using vibrators and dildo”s on them on Porn shoots or at Swingers Parties …… and a whole lot more i will share with you ……………….. Its an extensive list,with few boundaries and its being fully explored all the time . Like i say,if only they could see me now – those nuns have ALOT of explaining to do! … They say “God loves a Sinner”…..Well,I guesse he would love me..Read my Blog, I hope you love it,and me,too…. Sarah Kelly xxx
It’s one of the search terms that landed people in my blog. It isn’t one of the oddest ones I’ve seen by any means but this particular one caught my attention because it just sounds… well so cute!
Let me explain.
When I saw it, I immediately imagined a fellow bdsm spanko ingénue sitting in front of their computer, typing this up. Maybe they’ve never had a spanking and have been fantasizing about one… or maybe they’ve been spanked but just lightly and are *just* venturing into something more serious… maybe their top has made promises of impending doom and they are shaking in their boots and dying of arousal. I didn’t imagine any particular gender or age mind you… just that particular mindset of the virginal. I remembered/imagined the sense of intrigue, the near obsession, the curiosity, all so rich in desire and heavy in yearning that they almost have a unique taste or texture, oddly satisfying and yet by innate nature lacking in sensory input which makes it all maddeningly lacking. Can you see it? (remember it?)… looking at pictures, videos… watching the expressions on the bottom’s face, the grimace, the yelp and moan… listening to the sound the wood makes on flesh. Watching the flesh flatten and bounce, see the bruises bloom… reading stories… wondering, “is it that bad?” or “is it worse than this?”.
Tee hee.
Well sweet innocent ones…
It HURTS.
It will overload your senses. It will set all your neurons firing at such rate that you will literally will get stuck between the fight and flight response. The pain will be sharp enough that you wonder why you ever wanted to be on the receiving end.
Then endorphins kick in.
Don’t get me wrong, it still hurts. But now it’s also niiiice. But still hurty.
THEN I started thinking about when I used to work on the hotline for teens to ask any questions they had about sex, etc and the creeps that used to call in and ask the same question over and over again just to hear someone talk about it. There was this one particular guy that kept calling with the same question. The older operators knew his voice and disconnected but anytime he got a new person, he’d trick them into answering his seemingly innocent question and as they were explaining, he would just start asking weirder and weirder questions geared to have you repeat certain terms like “vagina” or “penis” and by this point you could hear he was getting excited and probably jacking off.
*shudder*
For those of you… you know who you are… one word:
EW
EWWW
EEEEEW
EEEEEEWWW
At least you aren’t doing it to poor volunteers who take time out of their busy life to help teens have a safe space to learn about sex.
The reason why I picked the title of my blog can be seen from a little episode between me and The Kitty. As you can read on her blog, she has had a sexual nova burst recently, feeling very horny all day. Now, this is all in all a very good thing. But there were two things that troubled me. For one, I was not there and I was wondering a lot whether she would have felt the same had I been there. For another, she talked again about having sex with other guys and how she was flirting at everybody. This vexed me and got me bitter. I starting feeling, out of despair and some subliminal anger, that she should just go and fuck all she liked, since that seemed to be what she really wanted most of all. And maybe it would really be good for her. I don’t know. How should I? Also she probably would not feel horny anymore once I was around. So I told her on that evening that I had been thinking these things.
Fast forward to yesterday. We were sitting at a cafeteria with one of her friends, talking, when the conversation switched to an “instant sex” topic at a forum they both frequented. Kitty had posted there that soon she might be free to do stuff with guys again. Nobody had replied to that, a fact about which she was a bit annoyed, if not sad. Then the conversation shifted to her plans to use adultmatch and similar sites to find guys to have sex with, since “I might maybe be available” was judged as being less effective in attracting guys than some direct “I want sex, now!”. Guess that’s pretty much true.
Hearing that was quite painfull. I felt that she wasn’t interested in having sex with me, but already planing how to have sex with as many strange guys as she can find, using those dating sites. And what kind of guys would reply to offers like that? Not me. Clearly, I was not good for her and not what she wanted.
We soon talked about it, though I felt very much like not talking about it and just swallowing it down. I told her about my problems with what she had said/done and she told me that she was very happy to hear me say that maybe having sex with other guys would be good for her, interpreting it as a step towards full blown openness, while for me it was mostly a despair reaction. also, during the conversation she talked again about her ideal of a relationship, how much she was sure that that was what she wanted and how much my reservations and feelings conflict with that. Again the suggestion of leaving me. And while the conversation was clearing and help set us straight with each other again, that kept on nagging at me.
But on the other hand, we had a marvelous time. Things really are getting better. I spent roughly half an hour using the new whip on her and we both enjoyed that a lot. There was touching of boobs, rubbing of backs, lots and lots of naked cuddling, some long and rather passionate kissing, a random, unintentional touching of her cunt (which was ok ) and she even touched my erect cock. Also, she bought a new sex toy, that I liked to call “a vibrating piece of ice”, which she even proposed we’d try out together. That didn’t happen in the end, in part I guess because of the conversation we had. And then there was the zoo and the very nice evening and dinner with the Anthropologist and the Composer, two of Kitty’s poly friends, who turned out to be very nice and enjoyable company. We laughed a lot together, it was a very good weekend.
So there you go. Ignorant armies of thoughts, feelings and perceptions clashing on a darkling plain, not being able to recognize each other. I’m trying to navigate, but sometimes I just don’t know where everything is.
.
I came out of the kitchen with a large knife. Randi was sitting on the couch in the living room. She was wearing jeans with a tiny hole near the crotch. I sat down beside her and put the knife up to her face and gently ran it down her face. She looked more turned on then afraid. I ran the knife down her arms and kissed her roughly. She took my tongue in her mouth and kissed back passionately. I pulled away and ran the knife over her big tits covered in her Metallica T-shirt. I cut a little hole in the center of her shirt.
reveal her black silk panties. I ripped a bigger hole with my hand while holding the knife in position at the edge of the hole. I took the knife and put it near her throat as I fingered her tight little pussy through her panties. I always like to leave the panties on. Her pussy was soaking wet. She moaned louder and louder as I thrust my fingers in her and played with her clit. I took the knife and pressed it on her clit while I fingered her. The pressure of the cold steel and my fingers in her made her cum fast. Her juices lowed all over my fingers and the couch.
close so I can cum all over it. She did. I did. I came fast and got it in her eye and it dripped down her nose.
Aftercare is one of those things that is given a bit of lip-service within the Lifestyle, but not a lot is really said about it on an educational or practical level. It is also one of those things that, in spite of those of us who try to educate others about it, simply is not practiced enough or correctly when observed at public events or parties. 
I can’t be the only person who has a thing for chicks in gender-bending suspenders, and proof positive of that is this shoot by Jonas Lindström.
Dragon must hate me though. My psychic powers always foil his plans 
So, he’s sending it back since they have a really great exchange policy. Hopefully the smaller one will get here soon! I went from bouncing off the walls to disappointment in about 60 seconds. Sad panda.